The spark of attraction to someone outside the bounds of your marriage is certain to arise, especially if you are cultivating your Kundalini Shakti. Sometimes the pull towards another person is a passing phenomenon. You may encounter people on a daily basis who radiate beauty, who have a charismatic strength, or who are saturated in sexual juice, and they may feel that in you as well. It can be compelling, but there is nothing that you have to do about it. You do not need to grasp for the person’s attention or initiate an interaction. You can appreciate the feeling of aliveness within yourself and circulate the warmth within your body. You allow the attraction to become a gift from God, without creating any new karmas from it.
But sometimes it can feel like a soul-shaking, life-changing strike of divine grace, encounters that go beyond a momentary attraction. You may well be tempted to push the limits of fidelity. You may risk damaging your marriage in the compelling search for something new and vital, disregarding how this might affect your partner. These connections are mysterious and need to be treated with great care, so that you and your partner might learn the lessons they offer, and thereby deepen your connection to one another and to your deepest selves. Feeling an attraction does not mean that you have necessarily let your guard down, or have failed to be attentive to your marriage, or that your marriage is waning, and neither is this a reason to leave your marriage.
You can transform this potential crisis into a vehicle for deepening your love for one another, and ultimately for your own self. What is it in this person that you are feeling attracted to that you do not feel in your partner? What needs do you have that your partner is not meeting? This inquiry may lead you to discover more about who you are and what you need, and what you may be withholding from your partner and even denying in yourself. Ask yourselves if there is something that is missing from your marriage that needs to be explored?
There are no guarantees that your partner will forgive you or that your marriage can heal, nor is there certainty that you will actually grow as a human in this process. As such, you have only your deepest knowing and grace to guide you.
If you truly regard your marriage as a vehicle for your sadhana, use this situation to discover and learn. Treat it as a rare and precious opportunity to explore ever deeper into your own being. Explore with your partner what your marriage is lacking that helped give rise to this new flame of desire, or what unmet needs you are harboring. This can be hard work, emotionally exhausting, pushing you to the edge of your capacities. The power of your sankalpa, your intention, and the power of your faith in every last molecule of love for your partner will help carry you across, and will reveal what lessons you need to ripen and deepen your marriage. Know that this will ultimately strengthen you and will become a precious gift in your spiritual awakening.
As a footnote, we also recognize that poly fidelus marriages can and are being explored in our society’s evolution. We cannot state that “open” relationships or committed poly marriages are untenable within the perspective of Yoga. However, just as following two Gurus or two religious paths introduces mind-boggling complications, so too, in our experience, is it not only difficult enough to be married to one person while upholding complete integrity, how can having multiple partners make integrity, vulnerability and commitment be possible? For those who choose multiple-spouse marriage, we honor and respect your trail blazing work, but we have no experience that would shed light on this path.
Next essay: Entering the Darkness