The world is all the manifestation of Shiva’s consciousness through the play of the Goddess’ Shakti. Experiencing the pure flow of this energy is the ecstatic gift of being human. The Feminine polarity experiences Shakti through the richness of the world – complexity, flow, and everything that moves, food, adornments, colors, feelings. The Masculine polarity experiences Shakti through the Feminine. As husband in your masculine polarity, you can regard your wife as the embodiment of the Goddess, as the complex, mysterious, befuddling, magnificent, beautiful, unfathomable feminine principle that moves in this world and touches your heart. Her radiance is Kundalini Shakti made visible to you, and it feeds your entire being.

One aspect of a husband’s sadhana is to magnify her radiance by adoring her. She does not need to improve or change to become the Goddess she already is. Criticizing or judging her will not increase her radiance, nor will you be rewarded with more love. As a human, her soul may be just as wounded as yours. The process of exploring these wounds may require that you challenge her at times; this is part of soul work. But the truth of what you love in her is her manifestation of Shakti, and there is no criticism or improvement that will magnify that. Only praise, devotion, and adoration will brighten her radiance.

However, you must not do this patronizingly or sarcastically. Adoring the feminine is not about manipulating her. This is worship. Her feelings are her truth, so listen to her from your deepest self instead of your rational mind. Acknowledge her, honor her, appreciate her honesty from the root of your Shiva-consciousness. Do not lose sight of the Goddess that she embodies. When you acknowledge her divine core, you are reaffirming your own.

This does not mean that you abide with her emotional intensity infinitely. You can back off if you are unable to stay centered, if you feel that she is manipulating you.

You are both trying to get going in the morning. She looks at herself in the mirror and exclaims, “Oh I look so wrinkled and pale!” It will not help her if you suggest some makeup or agree with her. Instead, adore her and praise her:

  • Proclaim that she is so beautiful when she is disheveled and threaten to detain her if she doesn’t finish getting dressed.
  • Say, “I wish you could see yourself the way I do”
  • Tell her you love it when she expresses how she feels.
  • Say, “You are so sexy when you complain about your wrinkles.”
  • Nibble on her neck, declaring that her wrinkles are so tasty, you hope that she gets more.
  • Tell her that her complaining is divine.

Seriously. She will laugh and be radiant. Her radiance and beauty will magnify just from the power of your adoration and devotion. Shower her with praise. Express your devotion. Make it your practice to adore her. Hold her in awe. Not only will it help her relax into the Shakti that she embodies, but you will reap the benefits of increasing her beauty.

Next essay: Say Yes

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